Smoodock's Blog

Before we get into chapter seven of Matthew’s Gospel, I believe I need to preface it with a kind of testimony on my part. I always considered myself a good person. I grew up Roman Catholic and for years during my childhood I wanted to become a priest. That kind of thing, that desire, changed my life, how I behaved, vis-à-vis what I chose to do or not do, while growing up. I was only seven years old, when I made that decision, and the reason I chose to become a priest at that age rather than a fireman or a policeman was that I feared going to hell.

Hell was a big thing back then, probably not so much today, but when I was a child, I was troubled over the idea of going to hell for eternity. My behavior at the time was not very good. I was always getting into trouble, always getting punished for something I did or said. My decision to become a priest was made privately and deliberately, because I did not want to burn in hell for eternity. When I disclosed my decision to my aunts and uncles, who themselves were only teenagers at the time, laughed at me. How could I, the ‘devil’ that I was, become a priest, upon whom we all looked upon as a holy man.

Things change, and what I believed before I attended school, like going to hell, sort of mellowed and fell into the background of what I believed and what was important to me. I no longer feared going there, but my resolve to become a priest became an embedded desire that controlled the other decisions I made while growing up. Some of my aunts and uncles were adults by this time, others in their late teens, were no longer laughing. They saw the change in me. Nevertheless, as I went through puberty, I began to have doubts about the vocation I chose for myself. As a priest in Roman Catholicism, I would not be able to marry, but girls had suddenly become very important in my life, as I went through high school.

Once again, I kept my feelings about my goals in life very private. By this time my parents, especially my father was proud of having a son who wanted to become a priest. To tell him I had changed my mind was unthinkable… almost. Actually, it became the foremost thought in my mind, but to actually tell him was something, I dreaded more than anything else I thought I had to do. I finally told him toward the end of my sophomore year in high school. He was very disappointed but life went on.

Why is all this important to this study? Well, when you think you’re a good person, it affects how you relate to other folks. Are they good or are they the bad kind who will go to hell? Right and wrong, good and bad, heaven and hell were the realities of life that formed my character. I looked at life, and lived my life according to those ideas. Behavior was extremely important to me, and that caused me to relate to others, and even to God, according to law, what was right and what was wrong etc. I wanted to become a priest for about eight years, and afterward for about fourteen years I was like a fireman in my private, moral, life, putting out this or that immoral fire, while at the same time I was a policeman on the outside, deciding which person I knew was good or bad, religious or irreligious, holy or corrupt.

Long-story-short, I left Catholicism to become part of a church that many would call a cult, probably many did, but I don’t like the term. Nevertheless, we won’t get into that here. The point is, I chose a church that was as much concerned about good and evil, as I was, perhaps more so. I truly believe God was in on the decision I made to attend there, both to cause me to confront my attitude toward right and wrong, and to help me face how I viewed others. I always tried to do the right thing, not that I didn’t deliberately sin from time to time, but that didn’t define my life. Nevertheless, at nearly thirty years of age, I was as much hung up on law as I was when I was seven years old.

Now, I don’t mean to imply that I’ve got it all together now, but something occurred back in late winter of 1974 that changed my life again, even to the point of bringing me out of my chosen church. I tried to see myself as a sinner, because the Bible said that was true about me. However, I really didn’t see that log in my eye (Matthew 7:3). All I was able to see was the little specks in the eyes of others. On that day, I was involved in a private Bible study, and I was going upstairs in my home for something, when I asked God to reveal my sins to me. I never had to ask twice. That was a turning point in my life, and my attitude toward myself, others and even toward God. I changed almost overnight. It’s a process that is still going on. Life isn’t or shouldn’t be about judging others. Neither is it about who is right or wrong. Life is not theology! Life is about living out the God I know and reveling him to the world in my life. This was true from the beginning (Genesis 1:27) and it still is. I haven’t the right to judge you, whoever you are; none of us has the right or authority to do that. All I am able to do is to live out Jesus, who is my Truth, before the world, some of whom also know him, while many do not. That’s life!